Anxious? Avoidant? Or Just Stuck in a Pattern?
12 September 2025
Attachment styles aren’t just for romantic relationships.
They show up in work, teams, leadership, and coaching sessions too.
Two of the most common?
Anxious Attachment
Driven by a fear of disconnection.
Leads to over-communicating, people-pleasing, and seeking constant reassurance.
Avoidant Attachment
Driven by a fear of vulnerability.
Leads to withdrawal, over-independence, and shutting down when things get uncomfortable.
Neither style is bad but they’re both protective patterns, and they can really hold people back when left unchecked.
As a coach, a leader, or perhaps a friend … you might notice:
An anxious-attached person - someone who avoids conflict at all costs
An avoidant-attached person - someone who won’t delegate a thing, nor ask for any help.
A team dynamic where many styles feed each other - misread, mismatched, misunderstood.
The goal here isn’t to label anything … it’s to first notice it.
Then to get curious, not critical.
Try these in your next conversation or reflection:
“Is this response about what’s happening now, or fear of what may happen?”
“What steps could possible in environment of complete safety?”
“What would be said here if the need for protection was off the table?”
People are never trapped in a pattern, our role is to help others when we notice it, and then gently invite them to outgrow it.
Awareness and compassion is where that growth begins.
Remember, the path to extraordinary is walked with a thousand small steps, your’e doing great!
Barry Marshall-Graham
Executive coach and leadership advisor
Get the Difficult Conversations Guide
A practical resource for leaders who want to say the thing that needs saying, without burning bridges or avoiding the moment.
Keep reading
13 April 2026
When Everything Finds You
When every question, tension, and half-finished decision climbs to the leader, the issue isn't workload alone. It is the absence of a clear routing system.
6 April 2026
The Soft Ending Trap
Hard conversations rarely fail at the opening. They fail when leaders soften the close, leave the standard vague, and walk away without a real commitment.
30 March 2026
How to Stop Confusing Frantic Activity with Strategic Momentum
Why senior leaders get trapped in 'heroic execution' and how to build a rhythm that prioritises outcome over activity.
23 March 2026
Why ‘Empowerment’ Fails Without the Clarity of Decision Rights
Why telling your team they are ‘empowered’ often leads to paralysis, and how to fix it with clear decision ownership.
16 March 2026
How Your Desire to be Liked is Creating a Low-Fidelity Culture
Why being a ‘nice’ leader is often a form of standard-avoidance, and how to transition to supportive candour.
13 March 2026
The Weight of Unshared Doubt
Why senior leadership feels lonelier as you rise, and why confidence is often just unshared doubt.
9 March 2026
Why Your Best Advice is the Problem
Why the rush to fix others is actually a specific insecurity, and how to stop.
6 March 2026
The Weight in Your Voice
Your words carry more weight than you realise. Calm authority is often a matter of pace, tone, and the courage to name what matters.
2 March 2026
The Quiet Drift You Inherit
Inherited teams rarely collapse in a moment. They drift. Resetting standards isn't about being harsh, it's about clarity, dignity, and trust.
27 February 2026
When Everyone Owns It
Shared ownership sounds healthy, but when everyone owns a decision, nobody owns the decision. Clarity needs a single accountable owner.
