Anxious? Avoidant? Or Just Stuck in a Pattern?
12 September 2025
Attachment styles aren’t just for romantic relationships.
They show up in work, teams, leadership, and coaching sessions too.
Two of the most common?
Anxious Attachment
Driven by a fear of disconnection.
Leads to over-communicating, people-pleasing, and seeking constant reassurance.
Avoidant Attachment
Driven by a fear of vulnerability.
Leads to withdrawal, over-independence, and shutting down when things get uncomfortable.
Neither style is bad but they’re both protective patterns, and they can really hold people back when left unchecked.
As a coach, a leader, or perhaps a friend … you might notice:
An anxious-attached person - someone who avoids conflict at all costs
An avoidant-attached person - someone who won’t delegate a thing, nor ask for any help.
A team dynamic where many styles feed each other - misread, mismatched, misunderstood.
The goal here isn’t to label anything … it’s to first notice it.
Then to get curious, not critical.
Try these in your next conversation or reflection:
“Is this response about what’s happening now, or fear of what may happen?”
“What steps could possible in environment of complete safety?”
“What would be said here if the need for protection was off the table?”
People are never trapped in a pattern, our role is to help others when we notice it, and then gently invite them to outgrow it.
Awareness and compassion is where that growth begins.
Remember, the path to extraordinary is walked with a thousand small steps, your’e doing great!
Barry Marshall-Graham
Executive coach and leadership advisor
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