Most Feedback Isn’t Too Harsh, It’s Too Vague
18 July 2025
We often tiptoe around feedback like a parent around a sleeping baby.
We soften, dilute, or delay it … petrified it might land too hard.
But in practice, most feedback doesn’t hurt because it’s “too honest”.
It hurts because it’s too vague.
“You need to step up.”
“That didn’t really land.”
“You’re not being strategic enough.”
What do those even mean?
If feedback can’t be understood, it can’t be used, and if it can’t be used, it becomes noise - not growth.
Here’s the shift:
Replace judgment with observation
Replace labels with examples
Replace critique with clarity
Try this instead:
“In yesterday’s meeting, we were expecting a clear recommendation. What you shared raised good points, but we left unsure of your conclusion. Next time, can you signal your position more directly?”
Now that’s feedback someone can act on.
The goal isn’t just to say what you think.
It’s to say it in a way that helps someone get better.
Vague is safe.
Clear is kind.
Remember, the path to extraordinary is walked with a thousand small steps, you’re doing great!
Small Steps, Giant Leaps is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Barry Marshall-Graham
Executive coach and leadership advisor
Get the Difficult Conversations Guide
A practical resource for leaders who want to say the thing that needs saying, without burning bridges or avoiding the moment.
Keep reading
8 June 2026
The C+ Deck: How Good Enough Becomes The New Standard
Good enough work from capable people is seductive because it almost passes. That is exactly why leaders must address it early.
1 June 2026
Before You Call It Drift
Before naming underperformance, leaders need to check whether the system made success clear, possible, and properly supported.
25 May 2026
The Tolerance Ledger: The Hidden Cost Paid By High Performers
When leaders leave repeated exceptions unresolved, the cost is paid by the people still protecting the work. They notice the unfairness before anyone says it out loud.
18 May 2026
The Evidence Trap: When Proof Becomes Delay
Leaders do not always need more evidence. Often they need to decide what signal is enough to ask a fair question before the fireball arrives.
11 May 2026
The Worry Tax: What Avoided Conversations Do To Your Head
Avoided conversations do not only slow the team down. They rent space in the leader’s head and charge interest until clarity arrives.
4 May 2026
Silence Compounds Into Leadership Debt
The conversations leaders avoid do not disappear. They accrue interest in trust, pace, standards, and emotional load.
27 April 2026
The Shadow Campaign: The Cost of Corridor Agreement
When people agree in formal rooms and dissent in corridors, leaders lose execution signal and authority quietly leaks.
20 April 2026
The Ghost Economy: When Activity Replaces Ownership
When teams optimise for visible activity instead of named ownership, work appears busy while outcomes quietly drift.
13 April 2026
When Everything Finds You
When every question, tension, and half-finished decision climbs to the leader, the issue isn't workload alone. It is the absence of a clear routing system.
6 April 2026
The Soft Ending Trap
Hard conversations rarely fail at the opening. They fail when leaders soften the close, leave the standard vague, and walk away without a real commitment.
