Control Is a Poor Substitute for Connection
17 October 2025
When things feel uncertain, many leaders reach straight for control.
They tighten their grip on their teams, raise expectations, micro-manage, and double down on doing.
It can feel safe and familiar (for a short time).
But here’s the truth:
Control might get compliance.
But it rarely creates a connection.
We know that without connection, teams don’t thrive - they retreat … they regress.
Trust frays. Creativity shuts down.
Everyone waits to be told what to do next.
When coaching, I often ask:
“What would this look like if you chose connection over control?”
“What if you paused to listen before you planned your next step?”
“What fear could you be ignoring by tightening your grip?”
We can lead through force… or we can lead through presence.
We can chase outcomes… or we can build alignment.
When we are in moments of clarity and peace, we know that true leadership doesn’t come from controlling the situation.
It comes from relating to the people in it!
Try taking a breath before the temptation to control takes hold.
Remember, the path to extraordinary is walked with a thousand small steps, and you’re doing great!
Barry Marshall-Graham
Executive coach and leadership advisor
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