The next level is hiding in the question you’re avoiding
23 May 2025

Most growth will not be blocked by a lack of answers, it’s very likely blocked by the questions we don’t want to ask.
In my own coaching experience, I’ve found that the most powerful breakthroughs come when someone finally turns toward the hard question they’ve been skirting around for weeks.
Not the convenient one.
Not the clever one.
The uncomfortable one.
Here’s one that usually cracks things open:
“What are you pretending that you don’t already know?”
It’s a simple one-liner. But it hits deep. Real deep.
It’s a question you can ask of others, or yourself. Both equally as powerful.
They/you might be pretending not to know that someone in the team has outgrown their role.
That their/your calendar reflects other people’s priorities, not your own.
That the story that’s being told about being “too busy” is really about fear of moving forward (growth).
Avoided questions often point to avoided decisions.
And that’s where the next level lives.
Hidden … behind the question that’s uncomfortable to ask.
Remember, the path to extraordinary is walked with a thousand small steps, you’re doing great!

Barry Marshall-Graham
Executive coach and leadership advisor
Get the Difficult Conversations Guide
A practical resource for leaders who want to say the thing that needs saying, without burning bridges or avoiding the moment.
Keep reading
31 August 2026
The Sentence They Nearly Said
A pause or changed expression may lead to the useful part of a conversation, but noticing it doesn't give the coach permission to decode it.

24 August 2026
You Cannot Coach Someone You Are Secretly Judging
Second-hand information may be useful, but once it becomes a character verdict it changes the leader’s listening, questions and tone.

17 August 2026
A Good Question Can Be Badly Timed
The wording may be excellent, but a coaching question can still arrive before the relationship or the moment is ready to carry it.

10 August 2026
Whose Goal Is It Anyway?
A goal can be strategically sensible and still feel unowned. The answer is honest internalisation, not coaching somebody into believing it was their idea.

3 August 2026
The Leader Who Uses Coaching to Avoid Leading
Coaching can create room for another person to think, but it can also help a leader postpone the feedback, standard or decision that belongs to them.

27 July 2026
Advice Wearing a Hat
A coaching question can sound wonderfully curious while quietly steering somebody towards the answer their leader already prefers.

20 July 2026
The Emotional Cost of Being the Reliable One
Reliability earns trust, but it can also turn one capable leader into the place where unfinished work, uncertainty, and organisational risk accumulate.

13 July 2026
The Relief of Finally Saying the Thing
An overdue conversation occupies far more space than the words themselves. Relief begins when reality is finally allowed back into the room.

6 July 2026
The Sideways Shove
Peer conflict cannot be solved with the Manager Card. Influence begins when leaders stop pushing across borders and repair the working relationship.

29 June 2026
Clarity Under Pressure
Authority is tested when the room tightens. Clear leaders make reality, uncertainty, and the next decision visible without adding drama.
